When I create a painting I'm always trying to communicate something thats weighs on my mind. The concept behind this piece was about the anxiety I have about my lady organs. A few years ago I had a large cyst removed along with a fallopian tube. That experience of knowing that there was something growing in my body that was screwing things up and then the whole multiple surgery thing was pretty disturbing to me. I also have ambivalent feelings about having children along with not knowing what's up with my fertility given my medical history.
So this painting was supposed to convey all of those experiences I've had. I think lady part problems are both common and disturbing for many women. I'm not sure I hit my mark with this painting though. I think this painting looks kind of dramatic in a way that comes across as unsophisticated. Visually I'm happy with this painting, but I'm embarrassed to put it on social media and in the portfolio. I really got to thinking about it though and maybe I shouldn't be embarrassed because I have broken down and cried about the issues represented in this piece. I just never envisioned the figure as crying. The hidden face is supposed to be about my fear of loosing my identity to having a child. I also liked the pose visually.
I'm just afraid this looks like an anti abortion ad or deals with miscarriage which are really heavy topics. I don't really want to have that conversation with the viewer because I haven't had to experience either of those things. I think I'm also hesitant about this painting because I don't want people I know to think I'm making angsty teenager art or that I'm dealing with issues that I'm not.
Anyways here's a cell phone picture of it.